My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
