My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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