dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
