I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize