3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
