I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
