i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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