Non-Jews are for practice
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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