Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
