At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
