remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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