He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
