Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
