ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
