apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
