im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
