Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
