guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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