You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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