BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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