Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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