A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
