clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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