This girl is more easily done than said...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
