I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
