Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
