she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
