so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
