I can tuck mytits in my pants
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
NoShamevember. You game?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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