How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
