I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
