haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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