Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
