Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
