how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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