As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
