look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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