i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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