Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
