I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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