question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
