You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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