I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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