So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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