So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
