a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
