It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
