I think I am morally bankrupt
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
