brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dignity is for republicans.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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