She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
