That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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